The church is divided and broken by a failure to properly address sins and conflicts. I see it all the time, at every congregation. This person takes issue with that person, then there are bad feelings, then bad talk, and it eventually reaches its breaking point. People leave, congregations split, and the name of God is profaned.
Inside the Congregation: Someone gets offended but doesn’t speak directly with whomever caused the offense. Instead, the offended person gossips with other members of the congregation who are on his or her side. Or, the offended person runs to a congregational leader and expects him to take care of the problem (while the offended remains safely anonymous). Maybe the offended person runs away from the problem by leaving the congregation.
Online: Someone takes offense to a video, article, or discussion that fails to conform to his or her personal doctrinal position. The offended person often responds by trolling whomever posted the original message. Common responses include personal attacks, sarcastic replies, and calling the person a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” or a heretic. This is done online, in full public view of anyone who happens to visit the page.
At Work: Someone takes offense to a co-worker or manager. The offended person gossips with work friends. Rifts form and bitterness sets in, fostering ongoing conflict at the job. The offended person might run to H.R. or a manger to tell on the other person and try to get the offender written up or fired.
In every aspect of life, people respond improperly to sin and conflict. Whether we’re gossiping with our friends and allies, running away from the problem, or expecting an authority figure to deal with our problems for us…it’s the wrong response.
Messiah’s Instructions on Addressing Sin and Conflict
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
(Matthew 18:15-22)
Preface: Who is this For?
The first thing we see in verse 15 is this instruction is for when a “brother” sins against us. The English translation reads “brother”, but we should understand the instruction is not only for men.
The Greek word translated “brother” is adelphos (ἀδελφός). Adelphos’ root meaning is “of the womb” or “from the womb”; it can refer to a sibling or someone in close relationship (such as a figurative brotherhood). We get the word “sister” from the Greek adelphe (ἀδελφὴ), which is the same root word but with a different suffix.
“Brother” is a correct literal translation of the text, but I believe the intent is that these instructions apply to believers (regardless if they are men or women). Since the text does literally read “brother” then I could be wrong and my interpretation could be dismissed as opinion. However, insistence on a strict literal interpretation of “brother” as only applying to men would leave us without any remedy for when a woman sins. It seems unlikely that Messiah only intended for us to resolve conflicts with men, giving women carte blanche to act like jerks without any repercussion.
While this passage instructs us to resolve conflicts with believers, we should still apply the same principle when dealing with unbelievers. However, there will be some differences when dealing with an unbeliever. We obviously cannot escalate to the church with an unbeliever who has nothing to do with the church and doesn’t belong to a congregation. We cannot cite scripture or the will of God when dealing with an unbeliever. But, we should still speak directly with an unbeliever and attempt to resolve the conflict. With an unbeliever, we could follow the basic principle of the text by escalating to a manager or teacher if the issue doesn’t get resolved. But, we should still take the first step to resolve the issue directly with whomever offended us.
Step 1: Get Offended
It all starts with taking offense to someone else’s actions. This first step is on you; you must decide if the other person’s actions deserve a corrective response. Are you genuinely offended? Is your offense appropriate? Is a response warranted? Is correction necessary?
We live in a Babylonian society where feeling offended and demanding satisfaction is the norm. People have become hypersensitive to offenses (real or imagined) and quick to lash out for vengeance. But, this is not the way of God. We are to be patient and slow to anger. Consider the repeated teachings of God such as:
The vexation of a fool is known at once,
but the prudent ignores an insult.
(Proverbs 12:16)
We can consider overlooking the offense and not making an issue of it. If we choose this course of action, we must genuinely forgive the offense and let it go. We cannot bring it up later, harbor resentments against the person, or hold on to bitterness over the incident. Most people cannot summarily forgive an offense, and if that’s the case then we must address the issue with the person who upset us.
Some points to consider in our decision to respond might include:
Is there actual sin?
Meaning, is the thing the other person did actually a violation of God’s instructions and commandments? Or, do we just personally not like it? If the incident is actually sin then we are obligated to address the problem. If the issue is just a matter of personal preference, we might consider extending some grace and letting it go.
Did we take actual damage?
Again, we live in a very weak and hypersensitive culture. So, we need to check our emotions and consider whether the offense really caused any damage or just made us unhappy. Emotional damage can be real, and it can affect our ability to continue going to a congregation and being around someone who hurt us. But, we need to be careful we’re not acting spiritually immature and lashing out over a petty disagreement.
Physical damage obviously warrants immediate response. We cannot turn a blind eye to people stealing, assaulting others, or starting illicit relationships in the church. If real, material, damage has occurred then there is no doubt a response is necessary. Just be certain to respond as Messiah instructed.
Will the Congregation be Hurt?
Many of the penalties in the Torah are for the purpose of stopping sin from impacting society and spreading among the people. If we have reason to believe a brother’s sin will have broader impact on the whole congregation, we should address it. We can’t let a sinful or egregious behavior continue to occur and affect the group; if we do, sins will multiply and the congregation will break down.
Step 2: Speak in Private with the Person Who Offended You
If you decide the offense is real and a response is necessary, then you must speak with the other person. You must do it. Not your pastor. Not your rabbi. Not an elder. Not anyone else. You.
To obey Messiah’s instructions, we have to speak with the other person right away and in private. We have to speak up and tell the other person what he or she did to offend us, why we believe it’s wrong, and what we believe needs to be done to correct the situation.
This is the step where people often mess up. The most common response when someone is offended is to talk to someone other than the person who caused the offense. We want to talk to a friend, a spouse, or a church leader. We want to get other people on our side, other people to advocate our position, or other people to deal with the problem for us. This is wrong and directly violates Jesus’ instructions.
Step 3: Remember, the Goal is Reconciliation
This is vitally important: The purpose of this process is to end the conflict and restore the relationship. Our goal should be to get the other person to acknowledge wrongdoing, commit to not doing it anymore, and to continue getting along with one another afterwards. The point is not to tell the other person off, win a fight, or get him or her in trouble.
We should also consider the possibility we could be wrong and the other person could be innocent. We might have misunderstood something the other person said. We could have misinterpreted body language or gesture. We could be acting on bias or gossip. Since we could be mistaken, and a confrontation could expose our own error, we should go into the conversation humbly and seeking a peaceful resolution.
Step 4: Escalate with Witnesses
If the other person is unresponsive or the conflict is left unresolved, we are to come back with one or two witnesses. What does it mean to come back with one or two witnesses?
Throughout the Bible, we’re told that a matter must be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses (i.e. see Deuteronomy 19:15-21 and 2 Corinthians 13:1-10). When we must escalate a conflict with someone, the same principle holds true. We are the first witness, the one or two people we bring with us are the second and third witnesses to the conflict.
The one or two people we bring with us must have actually witnessed whatever it is we’re accusing someone of. For example: If we’re confronting someone for having cursed us with profanity, the witnesses we bring must have actually seen the other person speak profanely at us. If we’re accusing someone of stealing money from us, our witnesses must have personally witnessed the theft. Our witnesses must be able to give firsthand testimony of what they saw or experienced.
Without witnesses, there can be no escalation. Without witnesses, it’s just our word against the other person’s word; and, we can’t have someone punished or expelled based solely on us saying so. It would be unjust to punish someone without any witnesses or evidence to prove the charge.
So, if we don’t have one or two legitimate witnesses then we cannot escalate beyond the one-on-one conversation. If the other person won’t resolve the issue and we have no witnesses then all we can do is leave it to God to deal with that person.
Step 5: Escalate to the Congregation
If the person who offended us refuses to listen or make correction, even after we addressed the issue with suitable witnesses, then the final escalation is to take the matter before the full congregation. This is not optional, none of Jesus’ instructions are optional. At this point in the process, the matter must go before the full congregation.
Escalation to the full congregation is a formal trial. The congregation’s leadership presides. The minimum of two or three witnesses must be present. Any evidence must be brought. And, yes, the accused person may also present witnesses and evidence if such exist to defend his or her position on the matter.
Step 6: Expel the Offender
The final escalation, for one who refuses to acknowledge wrongdoing and repent, is expulsion from the congregation. Verse 17 tells us that after expelling an unrepentant brother or sister, we are to treat that person as Gentile and a tax collector.
Gentile (Hebrew: goyim) means “of the nations”. That is, a person who is not part of Israel and not in God’s covenant. For someone to be “as a Gentile” to us means he or she is to be like a stranger, from a foreign land, outside the covenant and people of God. The expelled brother or sister is effectively to be considered no longer a member of the church and treated like an unbeliever.
In the First Century, tax collectors we considered corrupt, lowly, and underhanded. Tax collectors were regarded as selfish thieves, preying on people for personal profit. To regard an expelled brother or sister as a tax collector means he or she is to be considered as a criminal, like someone who is knowingly Lawless and out to hurt us for personal gain. We shouldn’t trust, welcome, or associate with such a person.
Binding and Loosening
Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. (Matthew 18:18)
This verse is often misunderstood. To interpret the verse, consider the full context around it. The verse is in the middle of an entire section of scripture that outlines how to address sin and offense, including escalation to a formal trial. Given the surrounding context, verse 18 must relate to resolving conflicts or exercising judicial authority to condemn or acquit.
Verse 18 is almost always mistranslated. English translations change the tense, rendering the text to read that whatever we bind/loose on earth will be bound/loosened in heaven. This leads readers to interpret Jesus’ instruction to mean we can initiate decisions on earth then our decisions will be ratified in heaven as we decree. It almost reads like our will shall be done in heaven as on earth; which, of course, is the exact opposite of how God operates. It’s God’s will that shall be done on earth as it is in heaven.
The tense in the original Greek actually reads: How many you shall bind on earth (future tense) shall have been bound in heaven (past tense). And, how many you shall loose on earth (future tense) shall have been loosed in heaven (past tense). A direct literal translation to English is awkward to read and interpret.
The meaning of this idiomatic expression is that whatever we bind/loose on earth must follow from what has already been done in heaven. This is a statement that tells us several things:
1. We have authority granted by Messiah to conduct trials and expel believers from the congregation
2. We have authority to bring people back into the congregation, so long as they are repentant and ready to rejoin
3. Our decision to prohibit or permit actions and behaviors must stem from what God has already established in heaven. Our decisions must be based on the instructions and commandments of God. We are not free to make up our own doctrines, decrees, and standards.
If an offense is escalated before the congregation, the church leadership has authority to consider the case and make a decision. The decision must be consistent with the instructions and commandments of God and, if they are, then we may take necessary action to maintain discipline and order within the church.
If we Agree on it
Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. (Matthew 19:19-20)
This is another piece of scripture that is often misunderstood. Read at face value, in the English translation, it sounds like God has promised to grant any request we make if two or more of us agree on it. If that were true, my wife and I would agree that God should give us a billion dollars, then we’d pray it together, and God would have to wire the money to our bank account.
Again, if we consider the full context surrounding this verse, it obviously has to do with resolving conflicts, trying people before the congregation, and condemning or acquitting an accused brother. The language of the verses is consistent with Biblical judicial language; it describes two or three witnesses establishing a matter so that a charge can be officiated.
These verses complete the passage on addressing sin and offense. If sufficient witnesses exist to establish the matter, the congregation is in unison, and all has been done in God’s authority…then God will be with us and we will have His approval and backing.
Step 7: Don’t Stop Forgiving
After Jesus taught on addressing sin and offense, Peter had a follow up question: How many times must we forgive a brother (or sister) who sins against us? Jesus replied seventy-seven times. This is idiomatic and means we are to forgive much and often. We shouldn’t stop forgiving when forgiveness is warranted.
The remainder of the chapter records a parable on forgiveness. The parable instructs us on both receiving and giving forgiveness. This teaching wraps up the full instruction on how to address sin with others, with the ultimate goal being responsiveness and restoration.
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